During the month of October I’m joining The Nester’s 31 Day Challenge and writing “31 Days to Building Community”. I’m passionate about building relationships and growing in community together. To see all the posts in the series click here.
I’m basically a shy person. Always have been. I thought I had outgrown being the little girl who wouldn’t order her own food at a restaurant or talk to people I didn’t know (ok, well I DO order my own food now…), but it’s still a challenge for me to reach out to people
Now my husband is a different story. He has never met a stranger and can strike up a conversation with anyone at anytime.
I really envy that! I wish that I could reach out to people easily and not worry so much about if I’m saying the right thing or if the pause of silence has been too long or if I’m standing awkwardly (yes, I do wonder that…).
And that is a large part of why I chose to write on this topic – to challenge myself and others like me. And after I had decided to write on this topic, it was fully confirmed that it was what I was supposed to do when my husband said to me “Why don’t you write about building relationships?” during one of our “I wish I was more of a outgoing person” conversations.
Later in this series I will talk more about growing deeper than surface relationships, so there is something for you extroverts too!
But the first step is just to take a step. Get out of your comfort zone! That might be going up and talking to a visitor at church, or starting a conversation with a coworker that you don’t know very well. Or it might even be calling up a friend that you’re not particularly close to…yet! It’s probably going to be tough, but this is the time to just give it a try.
And here’s the interesting part:
You can fake it.
I mean not the conversation or talking, but you can fake that you’re comfortable and totally ok with just starting a conversation. Tell yourself that you’re an outgoing, extrovert-type person for just a second and initiate a conversation and then just let it go from there.
So give it a try, ask them “How ya doing today?” and let it flow from there. Even if the first time it’s only a five minute conversation, it’s a start!
Do you find it hard to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know too well? Or are you someone who has no problem talking to anybody? What’s your secret to making good conversation?
No related posts.
great questions! I guess my default mode is to keep to myself. However, I have learned to be friendly (I often have to push myself to be outgoing enough to strike up convo) and more open. It usually translates to finding common ground. I don’t dish out compliments naturally, but when I am conscious and do it, I find it breaks the ice.
I know what you mean, it’s easier just to stay quiet – which is what I usually do – but once you make that step out into conversation, it seems to flow more easily than you think it will. Thanks for stopping by!
I don’t have a problem talking to anybody, but always feel like they’d rather not talk to ME. Like in the grocery store, I think “Oh, they’d probably just like me to check out and not have someone talk to them.” Or in the elevator at work it is just awkward silence up to my 10th floor and I think maybe they like it that way. But whenever anyone’s talked to me, I never feel that way, so I think it’s just me being insecure.
Looking forward to keeping each other accountable on the series. Great Day 1!!
ha ha! I understand what you mean, but I generally don’t mind when people start conversation with me, so don’t be afraid to reach out to people…you will probably know pretty quickly if they would rather not talk
[...] Day 1: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone [...]
I found you through the Nester’s links and your series could not come at a more perfect time for me. My husband teaches our Sunday School class and we are really working hard on trying to build community with our members. Looking forward to the next 31 days!
Thanks for stopping by! I hope you will find some useful information and share your thoughts during the series. When my husband started leading our group I sort of took on the “organizational” part of it, which is where my strength lies. I really love the community that we are building and look forward to seeing it grow…I hope the same will happen for your group!
Hi Hannah! I came here clicking through some of the Nester’s 31-Day Challenges. I am doing 31 Days of Empty Nesting, and building community looks really intriguing right now. I can’t wait to read the rest of your series!